Words seem inadequate to express the immense heartbreak that Phil & I feel right now, and to be honest, I’m not sure I still even have the right words to say as we adjust to life without Jupiter & Beam but here it goes anyway.
Right before Christmas, Phil noticed a small lump on Jupiter’s belly. We rushed her into the vet and were completely devastated when we found out it was terminal mammary cancer that had already metastasized to her lungs.
We took her home and spoiled the hell out of her for the next few months. She may or may not have started loudly demanding treats every time the pantry door was opened, but her wish was our command. Overtime, Jupes started to slow down, and her tumor began to grow but we hoped that she would make it to see her 10th birthday. On March 27th we felt grateful she’d made it to celebrate such a milestone, and she was extra spoiled on her big day!
Unfortunately, we sadly had to make the very difficult decision to have her put down a couple of short days later. It was tough, but we appreciated that we could both be with her in her final moments within the comforts of our own home.
I remember it really feeling like her presence was missed the following days after when she wasn’t there to join Ollie at meal times, or wait in kitchen to demand more treats at bed time, or even crawl all over me to let me know that she was impatiently ready for me to share my last bite of ice cream with her.
For the longest time, our house full of our four babies was all we’d really known, so for the first time the balance really felt off with her gone. This spring, we busied ourselves by planting lots of extra pretty flower seeds and bulbs in our flower beds and garden as an ode to remember her. It’s been nice to see the sprouts get their start and get to watch them grow/bloom throughout the seasons. We still miss our lil’ miss spunky sass (or as Phil would say “the most well behaved pet we have”) so much!
In April, we started adjusting to life with just our three “BROs” (for Beam; Rye; Ollie) as we started calling them. Lol
We celebrated Beam turning seven on the 24th with a homemade cake, and I was just joking with Phil that “by age, he’s now considered a senior, so do you think he’s ever going to slow down and not act like he has the energy he had when he was two?” Well, sadly the joke feels like it’s on me.
Barely a little over a week later Beam started acting really finicky with his dog food (which if you really know him, you know how food motivated he is). That was then accompanied with some gastrointestinal issues that prompted us to get him into an emergency vet. After looking at x-rays, stool samples, and blood work all we were told was that his white blood cell counts were very high to indicate an infection, or possibly cancer. They sent us home with some medication and had us schedule a follow up appointment to see a specialist a few days later.
On Tuesday May 7th, we went back hoping for some more answers. Beam had an ultrasound and a biopsy, and we were told the worst possible outcome. They diagnosed him with stage 4 lymphoma.
To say we were absolutely shocked by his results is truly an understatement. Selfishly, it feels like life ran us over, then put it in reverse to hit us again, as it all felt too soon after just losing Jupiter barely a month prior. I get that our pets get old and it’s just the way of life, but it also felt so unfair to Jupes & Beam as they both deserved so much more life to live with us.
After all of our moves with them from apartments, to the rent house, to living with family before and after relocating to NC – they were absolute troopers at adapting each time. We were just so ready for them to feel settled with us in our first home together and to happily live out the rest of their years. Shoot, we even look at boat ads for funsies (lol browsing for million dollar Zillow listings is out; FB Marketplace boats are in) and we’d note which models looked dog friendly for them to jump in/out. We dreamed of a future day that we’d finally own a small boat to take both Beam & Rye out on since they love being our lil’ swamp rats in and on the water. Beam was gonna be our fishing buddy. That all might sound silly, but we just didn’t expect these last couple of years to now feel cut so short.
Unfortunately, there was no guaranteed cure for Beam. If he was healthy enough, chemo for his type of cancer would have only bought us temporary time – 6 months to maybe a year if we were lucky. What that quality of life would have looked like for him though, we didn’t quite know.
So after his diagnosis, we took things day by day with him. We did our best to keep him comfortable and spoiled. His energy and appetite were a rollercoaster, his bowel movements weren’t improving and he was definitely slowing down at times. Sometimes he had the energy for short slow-stroll walks and what used to feel like an ordinary task now felt like a luxury for us to get to do, when he was up for it.
By Saturday morning his health took a nosedive, which was so hard after another random burst of energy he’d had on Friday night that had him acting like his old self. He didn’t want to eat breakfast or take his medicine. We tried to give him pancakes, potatoes, and treats but he’d spit them back out. At lunchtime, we finally got him to eat a tiny bit, but that came back up within the next hour. We knew he responded ok with his medication, but figured he had to be miserable without it and also somewhat uncomfortable by having to take it just to be able to function (the steroids were also crucial in helping with his appetite). So that afternoon, we made the very difficult call to have the same hospice vet that we used with Jupiter come to our house. We knew his health conditions weren’t going to improve at that point, and we wanted him to be able to go out with some dignity and not feel even more miserable by us prolonging it. It just makes me sad that his stomach wasn’t up for one last cheeseburger, but we gave him plenty of belly and ear rubs instead. I remember us bringing him home as a puppy on Father’s day weekend in 2017, and now we weren’t emotionally ready to have to say goodbye to him this Mother’s day weekend. His curiously goofy and always happy-go-lucky personality is what I’ll miss the most.
Despite feeling heartbroken and trying to cope with it all, this also now gives me appreciation for the simple gift of time. While I obviously wish that we had plenty more of it with them, I feel like we tried to make the best of what we had left with them ❤️ Plus we feel like we gave them such a good life, and in return, they brought so much joy & happiness back into our lives!
So please go love, squeeze & spoil your own fur babies for us 🫂 This year has been a rough on us, as our house now feels oddly quiet and even emptier without their 8 paws clicking around on the floors. Jupiter & Beam were our big sweeties and both had so many good quirks and memories that I hope to sit down and share one day soon. I know time heals, and Ollie & Rye will benefit from our extra attention, but it all still has been such a shock to process and still honestly hurts 💔
